09 April 2011 in

"Just" Agree With Me.

APRIL 9, 2011


wouldn't say I’m an argumentative person; actually I strongly dislike confrontation and don’t go out of my way to look for it. However I wouldn’t really peg myself as agreeable either, if confrontation finds me, believe me I definitely don’t take it laying down.

What I can say is that if something doesn’t seem to fit; to put it simply, if it seems like a bunch of hot air I need to know the who, the what, the when, the where and the why! I have a hard time going along with things that don’t make sense to me, and I have an even harder time agreeing with such things just for the sake of agreeing.

I find that so many people “just” agree! For them, it is hands down the easier choice of action. The stories we’re told are rarely questioned, and personally I don’t get that. I mean realistically if someone can stand in front of me, look me in the eye and feed me a bunch of nonsense, trust me I will look them in the eye right back and without hesitation call them out on it.

Does that make me argumentative? Hmm, I suppose in a way it does. However if you “just” agree with everything around you, how do you live? How does your life progress? How do you learn? How do you achieve the things you want? How do you do the things that make your heart skip a beat? If you “just” agree are you not left at the mercy of those you are agreeing with?

“Just” agreeing is more than fulfilling for the ones you’re agreeing with! Whether it’s a relationship, friendship, the media, or your boss...whatever, you name it. They get their way and they couldn’t be happier.  You, on the other hand by “just” agreeing, aren't you left feeling empty and unacknowledged? How are you supposed to grow mentally, emotionally or spiritually if you “just” agree? Where is the opportunity to get better, to know what you believe and why you believe it? That’s the thing, it’s not there! It disappears behind someone else’s desires.

It is important for me to point out that I am all for compromise. Compromise is different from “just” agreeing though, in that compromise forces assessment of the situation from both sides. The fact remains that no matter how thin you slice it there are always two sides of the story. A change of both perspectives is not only possible but necessary to reach true compromise.

I try my best to see the world in a way where one side is not more important than the other. I try my best to take the competition out of it, I’m not always successful but I do try. “Just” agreeing will never be my strong suit. If I fundamentally disagree with something I can bring myself to go along with it for a little while if I absolutely have to, but in the end I cannot quietly follow and “just” agree with things I don’t honestly believe in. Can you?

the outspoken introvert

11 Comments So Far:

  1. Do you know how many times I got into major trouble because "I just can't agree?"
    I have the need to speak my mind, not for argument's sake, but to clarify and see the merits of different perspectives. If I don't say it, then I did not give myself a chance to better understand what I am agreeing to.
    But just how many people will accept that? SO FEW.
    Because the minute I agree, I don't hold back. I stand by what I agreed to as a commitment.

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  2. Ahh yes! You bring up a good point, that whole commitment thing. I have a very hard time with disappointing people especially when I know they are counting on me.

    I mean I'm not perfect by any means, believe me I've disappointed my share of people throughout the years. However, I do make a conscious effort to live up to the commitments I've made.

    As for the trouble part, I'm pretty sure that follows me everywhere, but hey it's what makes life interesting. Thanks for reading :)

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  3. I love how you differentiate compromise from 'just agreeing'. So very true! It takes gumption to not 'just agree' and question things to truly understand them.

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  4. True compromise between two people means that things have been discussed. Both parties have had their opportunity to be heard and in the end reach mutual agreement.

    I thought it was important to make the distinction because having to "just" agree, to me, signifies one person's perspective being dominant over the other. If this happens on a regular basis it can lead to resentment and that's a dangerous road to walk down.

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  5. Great post.
    I was once part of an Online Study group where it was essential to contribute at least once a week. I noticed the moderator always penalised the ones who just responded 'I agree/Good idea/Great point' without contributing anything substantial to the argument.(We also had the other group of people who were always argumentative,just because. I guess those ones missed the memo about comments being constructive and relevant!

    It's perfectly fine to have a point of view and be able to justify it. Because for me, sharing those contrary views (or asking for more explanation) is how we grow. Emotionally and mentally - Just like you said!

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