You Are At The Archives for September 2011

17 September 2011 in

What do I know? What do you know?

SEPTEMBER 17, 2011

With a little over a year left in my twenties I have been trying to put my "life" together. The funny thing is, I don't think it's necessarily the brink of my thirties that's bringing this on. Truth be told I've been questioning life and it's purpose since I was a kid.

When I was in my early teens I thought twenty-five was the coolest age of all time ever. In my naive heart I knew I would have it all figured out and together by then, surely. Then twenty-five came and went, and well having it all "figured out" was not on the agenda.

Now, almost twenty-nine I still feel like I'm all over the place. I'm starting to think that's just my natural state of being. Although I don't have all the answers to life as I know it, here's what I do know:

If you truly want to do something you will find a way to do it, if you don't all you'll find is an excuse.

Stay away from making permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.

Quality is always better than quantity. This rule applies to everything, especially people!

Not everyone is going to like you, that's ok. You don't have to like everyone and that's ok as well.

Some people will break your heart, your spirit, your hopes and your dreams. Sometimes life works out like that. Take what you've learned and walk away accepting that you've changed because of it. Another human being can only break you if you hold onto all their useless shit.

Don't be afraid of falling in love. Fear is crippling, love is worth it.

Live your life honestly, it's less stressful.

Time is valuable. Don't waste your time, or the time of others. EVER.

Hang out with people that love and encourage you, the other ones aren't worth the effort.

Keep gossip to a minimum. It's a part of life but it should not be your whole life.

Expectations ruin everything! If you expect too much be prepared to be disappointed. Not everything happens according to a carefully crafted plan, so live a little and go with the flow.

It is absolutely ok for things to go right sometimes, they don't always have to be a struggle.

Family, friends, love, health. Does anything else really, truly matter?

Take the time to appreciate people and what they do for you. Nobody likes to feel taken advantage of, returning a favor and gratitude are imperative.

If he cheated on her to be with you, he'll cheat on you to be with someone else. Math is not my strong suit but I believe it's something called probability.

Dating is so freakin' complicated. There is too many ways to define a "relationship". I can no longer keep track.

Actions speak louder than words, ALWAYS! This is not up for any sort of discussion, there is no and's, if's or but's about it. It is just plain simple truth.

What do you know?

the outspoken introvert

12 September 2011 in

Chivalry, sexist?!

SEPTEMBER 12, 2011

I have been meaning to write about this for a while but have had difficulty finding the time, go figure! A couple months ago a friend forwarded an article my way "Chivalry isn't dead. It's just terribly sexist."  

I must say I had a laugh when I read the title. I knew right away that this was sent with the intent of poking fun at my somewhat feminist stance. The article talks about a recent study Seeing the Unseen published in Psychology of Women Quarterly. It proposes that we engage in sexist acts everyday without even realizing it. More specifically it argues that chivalrous acts translate into benevolent sexism.

At first glance I was appalled by the idea. How can holding the door, paying for dinner or helping with the groceries be considered sexist or demeaning to women? As far as I was concerned those were acts of kindness and the display of good manners. After giving it some thought I realized the issue is actually very complex and that the study touches on some interesting points.

On a strictly theoretical level, motivations behind the actions have to be considered. Is the help being offered out of kindness or is it offered with the belief that women are weaker? Although the study seems frivolous at first glance, it argues that sexism at the smallest level reinforces blatant sexism throughout our society. For example, the expectation that a man should pay for the first date reinforces the fact that men on average earn a higher wage and therefore should spend more in order to feel masculine. 

The reality is that sexism remains a problem. Not only because of the effect it has on women but because of the effect it has on our interactions with one another. In my opinion, there seems to be an attitude present that says 'women got their equality, so shut up about it already'. Anyone who looks at the issue a little deeper knows that equality is not quite there yet. Who knows maybe it never will be.

Women's fight for even footing has definitely shaken the masculine identity; the gender roles are not as well defined as they used to be. I can see how this is frustrating to a man. It seems that Feminism chipped away at what many men consider their rightful place at the "top", as if that wasn't enough. Now, holding the door open is wrong!

As the war of the sexes wages on this is what I think, practically not theoretically. If you have a guy who's willing to help with the groceries, dishes, technology, door opening or any other act considered chivalrous hold on to him. My guess is this - he's either wanting to impress you or he truly cares about you. It can't be disregarded that the well mannered behaviour was probably passed on by his mother. So maybe, sometimes we just need to give the guy a break.

I'd love to know what you think? Do you consider chivalry an act of kindness or an act of oppression?

the outspoken introvert

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