19 January 2012 in , , ,

Solid Relationship From a Single Standpoint.

JANUARY 19, 2012

My generation has redefined what a relationship means. The nearly thirty something's have made male and female interaction so confusing it's ridiculous. Let's see, there is:

"Just Friends (wink wink nudge nudge)"
"Friends with benefits"
"No strings attached"
"One night stands"
"Seeing each other"
"Kind of seeing each other"
"Kind of dating/Kind of seeing each other"
"Just hanging out"
"Down to fuck"
"Nothing Serious"
"Boyfriend & Girlfriend"

Blah, blah blah the list goes on and the rest of it is just as idiotic as what's listed above. Not to worry though there is plenty of material to guide you through all of this confusion. All you have to do is spend $14.99 on some book which promise's to get you a man in no time. Better yet you can even attend seminars put on by some middle aged guy who looks like he hasn't been laid in years. Your money would be much better invested in a push up bra and some lube.

I have actually been wanting to take this topic on for a while but it's so broad it is daunting. I'm sure you can tell I'm not a fan of this redefinition of a relationship. What the hell happened to:

"Hey I like you" and
"I like you too" so
"Let's be boyfriend and girlfriend."

I fully realize that I am simplifying things here maybe a bit too much. That's how things went down in grade six or the fifties. I'm not sure about the fifties as I wasn't born yet, but that's what all the movies suggest.

I'm confused. I don't know where this redefinition came from or why? Is it because young adults are afraid? Is it that we are confused? Is it that we need to simplify things to such a degree that we make them meaningless? What is it that drives the redefinition to continue? 

I have to admit that I am not entirely sure if we are meant to spend our entire lives or what's left of them with one person. I believe in monogamy while in a relationship, but people change and grow apart sometimes it's necessary to move on. 2011 meant splitsville for a lot of couples around me. It was weird. I have been thinking about relationships since. 

Is it better to be single? I mean you don't have to deal with anyone's bullshit, you are free to do as you please whenever you please. The world is yours! On the other hand you're alone and that's no walk in the park especially when you're eighty and need help changing your diaper. Your parents kicked the bucket long ago so it's nice to have someone by your side who loves you unconditionally or at least enough to change your diaper.

Is it better to be in a relationship? Yes you have to have patience for all the dumb shit they put you through. Yes you have to have the understanding to forgive them for all of the stupid things they get up to. Trust me there is a lot of understanding and compromise  required. You can basically kiss your individuality goodbye. I mean it might hang around for a while but in the long run, nah - poof gone. On the other hand you have someone to kiss goodnight and fall asleep with; you have someone to keep you warm and call your own and that my friends is a beautiful thing.

This is how I define a solid relationship (dun dun duuuuunnnnn drum roll):

You are getting laid!
This is a pretty basic requirement. Sexual satisfaction is necessary. Not just the wham bam thank you ma'am kinda sex; but the try new stuff because you trust each other kind. Relationship sex is just different, it's better.   

You have each other's back.
Now I don't care if he spit in your coffee right before you left the house, or didn't take out the garbage. I also don't care she's had her period and was bitchy all day. When push comes to shove you have each other's back, and please don't fight in public.

Trust is a must.
You confide in each other. You tell each other things which have not been shared with anyone else. You feel safe because you've established your own bond, something that isn't for everyone else. 

Laugh. Fight. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh. Fight. Laugh. Fight. Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.
We are not robots. We all have our flaws, moods and imperfections. We can all be moronic at times. It is important to fight. I think anyway. Fights set boundaries. They tear down walls and redefine truths. I'm talking about the healthy ones where things are actually discussed and get better not the kind where plates and fists are thrown and nothing gets resolved. Even though growing pains are expected in a relationship they should never outweigh the fun. In a relationship you need to laugh together, A LOT!

The two of you are a unit.
This is simple to explain but so hard to implement for so many. Take that ME and turn it into WE. I'm not saying every moment needs to be spent together, but if they are not around it's just not the same you miss them a little or a lot depending on the situation. You make big decisions together and you don't bullshit each other. 

You apologize when you did wrong. You're mindful of the other person's insecurities. You seek their insight on an endless number of topics from dishes to politics not because you have to, but because you value their opinion. 

Comfort never hurt anyone.
You know and genuinely care about each other. Not just in a lustful "I wanna do you" kind of way, but the content "awwww I love you" kind of way. You're comfortable in your own skin around each other. There is something to be said about that kind of acceptance from another human being, when it happens it's amazing.

Did I miss anything, how do you define a relationship?

the outspoken introvert

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