21 November 2012 in , , , , ,

How I dealt with...the friend that moved away


I decided to start a series called "how I deal with..." which will describe how I dealt with certain situations. I'm doing it for a couple of reasons:

1. To amuse my readers as the way I deal with situations is sometimes inappropriate, embarrassing and hilarious.
2. Feedback and a different perspective. For my own personal growth I'd like to know how and if I could have handled the situation better. Hopefully you can help me out.

These ramblings will be based on true events however the real identities of the individuals depicted in these stories will be hidden. Silly privacy laws or something. I'm not rich enough to get sued.  

Here goes...

One spring sunny day about six months ago my best friend of fifteen years gave me a little call. To hide her identity as promised, I will refer to her as friend x.

Ring Ring...

Me: "Hello"
Friend x: "Hey what's up?"
Me: "Oh you know not much, you?"
Friend x: "Well..."
Me: "Okkk, what?"
Friend x: "I got offered a transfer with my job (side note: a transfer to a city she's been wanting to move to for about a year) and I don't know what to do."
Me: (side note: devastated, because I knew she would take it) "That's awesome! Looks like you have a lot of thinking to do. Wanna grab a drink?"
Friend x: "Ahhh yea, come over."

Fast forward a couple of months and as predicted she was gone. The following is a recap of how I dealt with...the friend that moved away.

First of all I worked. I worked. A. Lot. Four jobs kind of a lot. I was doing my regular corporate gig full-time. Part-time, I was doing mortgages, bookkeeping for my parents and helping out at a friend's restaurant. I have to say those few months went by crazy fast and are now a blur! But I was busy, and didn't have much time to think about the friend that moved away. I liked it that way. I was happy pissed. I was happy for her, I've heard her talk about moving for so long and I was glad she achieved her goal. We're the type of gals who like checking things off our bucket list. So I was proud of her. I was also pissed. She left me. My partner in crime was gone.

Not to worry, when I had free time I filled the void of my missing confidant with wine and food. This is the second way I dealt with the friend that moved away. I got fat. Not "Junk in the trunk" kind of big, but something similar to the college 15. That fifteen pounds you put on because you just moved away from home, your parents aren't feeding you home cooked meals any more so you live on chips and pizza. I'm going to call my weight gain the abandonment 10. Clearly, friend x's fault. Ugh.

Somewhere between my jeans fitting tighter and a four job induced state of eternal tiredness, the scales tipped. I was more pissed than happy. So I cried. This is the third way of dealing with the friend that moved away. I cried. In secret of course. I couldn't let on, that I was fat, exhausted and slightly depressed. While she was galavanting in her new life. But I dearly missed my best bud. It's not because I couldn't tell her. She would have loved to hear it, and hold my hand through it. That's what she does. It's because I don't like talking about feelings. I also vowed to never visit her (side note: I really thought I would show her for leaving me.) I pulled dumb shit like returning phone calls with texts, and not being communicative at all. I was pissed. Like I said, I don't deal with things appropriately all the time. Lucky for me, she's used to my antics.

I classify the above as my three stages of grief. I don't need five. Then friend x came to visit. Dun dun duuuun. We laughed, we talked, we painted the town red. Everything was as if she never left. Which really isn't surprising at all. We've had our ups and we've had our downs, but we have a fundamental understanding of each other which you don't find in every friendship. 

This brings me to the final way I dealt with the friend that moved away. I broke my vow. Yup, I broke it. Last weekend, I went to visit. It was a stupid vow anyway. Although it rained all the time and going through airport security hungover is horrendous, we had an amazing time. 2AM kitchen dance party, to the greatest hits from the last 15 years, included. If there is anything I've learned about our friendship, it's that even though locations and circumstances change - nothing will ever change to the point where we are not the best of buds. Without each other we're like asentencewithoutspaces.

Now excuse me, I have to tackle the abandonment 10.

the outspoken introvert




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