11 May 2013 in ,

You're not that weird; Everybody does it.

OK! So some are creepier than others, but people do some weird shit. Rest assured we are not alone in our weirdness. We have everyone else keeping us company. 

1. "I know I wore this yesterday, but nobody knows that, so really it doesn't count"
Seriously, everything came together like a perfectly crafted masterpiece. If outfits were given Academy Awards yours would have won in a landslide. The problem, even though you left the house and had a perfectly productive day, nobody REALLY saw your fashion equivalent of the Mona Lisa. Since nobody saw it, it did not get a chance to reach it's full potential. By nobody I don't literally mean nobody. Sure, the bank teller, the grocery store cashier, and some random people at the mall laid eyes on the said creation but you don't wear outfits like that for them. Those outfits are worn for people you want to impress or the people you want to seduce. If those people don't see the glory, it is our obligation to give them another chance, even if it is the very next day. Since you didn't see anyone yesterday, you're the only one that knows. Am I right? Don't bother answering that, I know I'm right. 

2. "Oh yea, I totally know what you mean. I love their stuff"
So you just met. You want to seem knowledgeable and cool and like you know what you're talking about. The thing is you don't. Now, instead of making it easy on yourself and admitting your shortfall in the topic of discussion you'll nod and blurt out lies like "oh yea that was great" or "I haven't read any of his new stuff, but what I have read really touched me." You'll back yourself into a corner. Oh and the corner sucks, it sucks because the only way out is pure humiliation. That humiliation comes when you've ran out of "oh yeah's" and "uh huh's" and now you really have to add something to the conversation. You can't, because you don't know what the hell they were talking about in the first place and now they know it as well. You are not the only one in the world that doesn't want to feel left out, so they pretend. See exhibit A:

 3. "Come on guys, that was an amazing status update"
Should I post it? Yea, I totally should. It's great. I spent the last half an hour perfecting it. It's funny, it really conveys the way I feel right now. It's not to long, it's not to short. It's going to go viral. OK. Here goes I'm posting it. A day later your status received no feedback, not even a measly like. The shame is so deep that you delete it from the social world we know as the internet. It's the equivalent of telling a bad joke to a room full of people. The punch line comes, nobody laughs. Ouch. Ain't nobody got time for that.

4. "NO WAY! I honestly had no idea"
Ah, you're honestly a liar. Not only did you have an idea, you knew. You and your best friend just spent all of yesterday dissecting the information over a bottle of Malbec. You however cannot let anyone know that you know. Especially, not the person who the information is actually about. I get caught in this one all the time. Having to pretend I don't know when I know. For some reason, people tell me stuff. A lot of stuff. Top secret, nobody is supposed to know this information type of stuff. So I pretend. Don't judge me so do you. Say, you run into someone you haven't seen in a while and they go on to tell you about their wedding in Costa Rica and their great news of expecting a baby, you will pretend that you are hearing it for the first time.  You won't admit that you know what kind of dress she wore, and that you didn't really like her wedding shoes and that thanks to Facebook, Twitter and Instagram you pretty much know the date they conceived their bundle of joy. Mmmm hmmmm, like I said don't judge me.

5. "I mean, I have to practise"
You're facing an uncomfortable situation with another human being. It's an inevitable part of being alive. Obviously you have to prepare. So you recite the conversation that you're going to have with this person. Sometimes in your head, sometimes you might even do it out loud. You know, to really make the practise run authentic. You're not the only one that does this. The person you're facing is probably practising the same conversation in front of  their mirror, while you do it in the shower. In any case, keep this weirdness under wraps. People do it, but they shouldn't talk about it.

Yea, you've done it. If not all, I will bet at least one of the above.

the outspoken introvert

22 Comments So Far:

  1. LOL! Thanks for posting this, it's hilarious and sooo true.


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